You know how you dream about being a parent? All the sweet moments you'll have reading bedtime stories, laughing at the park or cuddling on rainy days? Well, those things happen BUT hanging out in the Nursery during Stake Conference, being twenty minutes late because a shoe was thrown out the car window and endless crying tantrums happens A LOT MORE.
We always try to make it through Stake Conference but after 30 minutes we inevitably end up in the nursery room (which has a speaker hooked up) with at least 5 other families.
This is just how my life is after kids. I could probably threaten, bribe or distract my kids through the meeting but why? They hate it, I hate it and the people sitting around us hate it. Life after kids means sacrificing your ego for happy kids and more snippets of the conference talks than you would have gotten otherwise.
After kids you realize that no matter how much you hate playing pretend you'll do it. Over and over again you pretend to be sick, or hungry, or the baby because your kid LOVES it. After you've had a baby you can probably even manage pretending for ten whole minutes before you go insane!
Life after baby means you watch your kid getting smarter than you ever were or will ever be. You realize this when they trick you into doing something you had previously said no to. You will be equal parts annoyed and impressed. They seem well aware that they are manipulating you.
Even the way you talk to your spouse changes. You talk about poop, tantrums and snot more than you talk hobbies or intellectual debates about politics or religion. You know you've married a winner where you cover all of those topics in one conversation.
After babies you're so eager for time to speed up so they'll sleep through the night, eat on a schedule and be more manageable, until you looked at a picture and realize your baby isn't really a baby anymore. Then you feel like you're going to have a mental breakdown because of it.
Another aspect of your life that totally changes is your evaluation of what is fun. Eating out at restaurants, window shopping, going to the movies and anything remotely adventurous seem like punishments. Instead, you spend all your time at parks, play places, libraries, bounce houses, splash pads and backyards. You don't really hate doing those things but you do wistfully think of those times grocery shopping did not include five very public and very loud tantrums.
After a baby you attempt to only serve/order handheld food, because no matter how hard you try you will find cereal underneath your covers at some point. You will also decide to clean in up in the morning rather than immediately.
You learn to make up the silliest songs because at least two people in the world LOVE your singing.
And you learn to negotiate with your children to try new things. Curling her hair was a twenty minute debate but she couldn't stop look at herself afterward. I'm convinced that toddlers should be the only ones allowed to negotiate with terrorists. World peace would be achieved so no one had to listen to a screaming inconsolable child anymore.
Life sure changes after babies and although it is stressful and exhausting even the hard times are amazing in hindsight.
